We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my being single is dangerous.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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