All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
