If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
