youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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