Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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