if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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