christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
