My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
