Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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