Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
