Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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