You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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