just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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