More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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