I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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