I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
what day is it and did you see me today?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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