I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
