You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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