matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
