just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
