Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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