i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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