Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Of course I have a pirate flag
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The ass gains better be worth it
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