Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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