My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
