Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
