I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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