I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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