Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
