If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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