Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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