I love black thongs
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
