I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
