How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
