I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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