i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
