this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
