Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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