the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
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I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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