What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
