Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
