if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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