Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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