I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
