I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
no you cant smoke seaweed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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