omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
