Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
