wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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