I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
