Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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