Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
