we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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