Screwed.edu
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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