I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
