I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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