what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
