but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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