mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
