$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My balls are so social today.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
