I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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