I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
