I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
